Great British Bake Off Battle


Britains favourite culinary TV show, Great British Bake Off, may have been lost to Channel 4 but that’s not the end, claims senior BBC executive.

Tristan Carmichael, the BBC’s fat controller, confirmed that the gloves were off in the battle to regain the top tier. He said, “those hippy twats at C4 won’t be laughing for long, we can get a spin-off show together faster than those fucking arseholes can get Bake ff going again – and as for that scouse traitor
Hollywood…” He went on to say, “Bake Off will have to wait until the summer of 2018 before they can pull a show together, we’ll be armed and ready to go in 2017!” “Remember, losers, we’ve got Mary, Mel and Sue, so suck on that you back-stabbing thieves” he added.

It’s not all happy families with those left behind either. It’s been reported that despite Mary, Mel and Sue standing firm by their Great British morals, fighting them on the beaches and never giving up etc, family tensions have been running high due to the financial sums being talked about in the press. Mel’s husband, Phil, was overheard talking with friends at the famous Ivy restaurant in London. He was heard to say, “it’s all well and good doing the right thing by the Beeb but, for fucks sake, Hollywood pocketed £7m and he’s shit!” “All Mel has to do is say Bake in a deep comedy voice once a week and we’re quids in, guess I’ll not be eating in this fucking place again for while”.

Let the food fight commence!


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