The results of a 5 year study were published this week that showed expensive, branded, trainers were only as good as the cheap shite you get down the market.

Prof. Lesley McPherson, author of the study, put this miraculous discovery down to the fact that they are all in fact made in the same slum factories in the Philippines by 8 year old slaves paid $3 a year.

Prof. McPherson hopes her study will be lept upon by the big High Street retailers as this will allow them to dramatically increase their profits.

When challenged by our reporter that that already happens the Prof. Said; “Fuck!”

A spokesperson for Nike couldn’t be contacted as their yacht was too far offshore!

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