The Sun rose inexplicably in the East this morning, blinding drivers and causing dozens of accidents and general traffic chaos.

Drivers were caught out this morning when the trillion ton molten ball of burning hydrogen rose above the horizon in the East for the first time in six billion years!!!!

Car insurer, Probable Accident, said they’d be writing to their policy holders to point out that it’s entirely possible that the Sun may be seen in the East again, roughly around dawn, in the coming months and drivers should think carefully about ways to lessen the impact on the eyes, such as fitting a cardboard flap to the roof of your car which could be pulled down to block it out or duct-tape some coloured plastic or glass over your eyes. 

They also threw the theory out there that the same ‘Sun’ might appear low in the sky again, but this time in the West around dusk – this, they said, was still only a theory at this stage.

Constable Broadway, who attended the scene of one of today’s many accidents; to sweep up car and body parts, said: “Nothing new here, usual dence sleepy twats; get more sleep and have your sunglasses on your head ready to go – stupid fuckers!”